Teach your teen how to say, “no” if he is not ready for a sexual relationship. Talk about how easy it is to get a “reputation” by engaging in casual “hook-ups” and how difficult it is to say, “no” once you’ve said, “yes” to someone.
Family Circle magazine did a good piece this year that gave teens some snappy ways to say “no” when pressured to have sex. They suggest role-playing with your teen. Here are some of the suggested comments and responses:
He says: “If you really loved me, you’d have sex with me.”
She responds: “If you really loved me, you wouldn’t push me to do something that I don’t feel comfortable doing yet.”
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He says, “Everyone else does it.”
She responds: “No, they’re don’t. It just seems like they do because the ones who are doing it talk about it all the time, but most people aren’t doing it.”
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His friend says: “You still aren’t having sex? There must be something wrong with you.”
He responds: “What’s the big rush? It’ll happen when it happens.”
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His friend says: “You don’t want to get laid? You must be a wimp.”
He responds: “I’m just not doing things because everyone else thinks I should or because they have. That would be being a wimp.”
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His friend says: “Sex is fun! Go for it!”
He responds: “A few minutes of fun aren’t worth 18 years of responsibility.”
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She says: “If you loved me, you’d want to do it.”
He responds: “It’s because I love you that I can be honest with you and tell you that I’m not ready to have sex yet.”
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She says: “Most guys would be dying to sleep with me.”
He responds: “Look, it’s hard for me to resist. And you need to do what you need to do. But all I can tell you is that I’m just not ready.”
In addition to role-playing, you can set rules for your teen that will help him to say “no” if that is what he wants to do. Some rules that might help are as follows:
1. Observe the family’s minimum age for dating (encourage group get-togethers rather than “dates”) prior to age 14 (or freshman year in high school);
2. Don’t date anyone more than two years older or younger (or anyone younger than high school age) (this avoids the situation of the older member of the couple pressuring the younger member to engage in sexual activity);
3. Don’t entertain boyfriends/girlfriends in the bedroom;
4. Observe curfews; and,
5. Don’t use alcohol or drugs.
If your teen is in a loving, healthy, mature relationship, and he decides to extend that relationship to include sex, make sure that he follows the number one rule, which I call the “belt and suspenders” rule:
1. Always use two forms of birth control (one of which is a condom to prevent STDs).
In order to ensure that your teen uses birth control, you may want to go so far as to take him (or her) to the local clinic for a “family planning” talk and to obtain birth control. While this might be embarrassing for your teen (and, perhaps, for you), it is far better to be embarrassed than to have an unplanned pregnancy or an STD to deal with later.
Of course, if your value system doesn’t allow for you to accept that your teen might decide to have sex before marriage, then your number one rule should be, “just say no.”
References
http://www.guttmacher.org/media/nr/2014/05/05/
http://www.familycircle.com/teen/parenting/sex-talk/say-no-to-sex/
