Talking About Sexuality: Elementary School and Middle School

Elementary School (Ages 5 – 11)

When school-age children ask questions about sexuality, they should be given honest, straight-forward answers in a matter-of-fact way. By the age of nine, children should be given information about the physical and emotional changes that puberty brings. This leads naturally to a discussion about the basics of human anatomy and an explanation of the mechanics of reproduction. It is important to note that parents who begin discussions about sexuality beyond simply the mechanics of it prior to the onset of puberty have a greater impact on their children’s thinking about sexuality.

These discussions can include the idea that human sexuality is a complex process that has emotional as well as physical components. Parents who have such talks with their children can begin to transmit values such as that sex should be part of a mature, loving, healthy relationship.

Middle School (Ages 11 – 14)

If the topic has not come up previously, parents should begin conversations about sexuality no later than early middle school. Despite the fact that many schools have “family life” education, parents still play an important role in educating their children about sexuality. In addition to giving your tween accurate information about puberty, parents need to speak frankly and openly about the health and social benefits of making good decisions about sexuality.

Explain the value of having sexual intercourse in the context of a mature, loving, healthy relationship. Provide reasons for delaying sexual behaviors. Talk about your family’s values and your hopes and dreams for your child. Ask your tween about his goals for the future and help him to consider steps toward those goals. Discuss how an unplanned pregnancy would interfere with your tween’s plans for the future.

Ask your tween about pressures to engage in sexual behaviors. Ask questions like, “Do you feel pressure to engage in sexual behaviors of any kind?” Explain that waiting shows self-control and self-respect. Discuss the fact that abstinence is the healthiest choice and that it eliminates the possibility that the person is only interested in you for sex.

Discuss STDs and their transmission. Explore the use of contraceptives for birth control and protection from STDs. Explain that all birth control has a small failure rate and that abstinence is the only sure way of eliminating all risks associated with sexual behavior.