Talking About Sexuality with Children/Preschoolers and Sexuality

Overview

Before your child begins asking questions about sexuality, examine your own attitudes about the subject. Inform yourself about available resources (including children’s books) to help you discuss sexuality with your child. When questions arise, be honest and open. Use correct terminology when discussing body parts, and use a friendly and matter-of-fact tone of voice. When children ask questions, make sure that you understand exactly what is being asked before attempting to answer. You might want to start off by asking the child what he thinks he knows about the question. Then, you can clarify his understandings on the topic. This ensures that you will not provide more information than the child is able to understand and digest at his stage of development.

Preschool (Ages 3 – 5).

Most preschoolers express an interest in the sex organs of the opposite sex and ask questions about sexual matters (“Where do babies come from?”). Such questions should be answered as simply as possible using correct terminology. Before answering questions, it is a good idea to make sure that you know exactly what the child is asking so that you don’t give him more information than he really wants or needs to know. Ask your child what he thinks he knows about the topic first. Then, clear up any misconceptions that he has. Of course, you will need to have more detailed follow-up conversations when the child is older.

Children of this age may engage in imaginative play related to sexuality (“Let’s play doctor!”). Parents who become aware of this should remind the child in a friendly way that “we keep our clothes on in public.” In addition, most young children masturbate from time to time, some more than others. This behavior should be ignored unless it occurs in public, and then the child should be taught that it is a private behavior. (“I know that it feels good when you touch your penis, but we don’t do that in public; that is a private activity.”).The most important thing in all of this is that parents must try to respond to all sexual matters that come up without embarrassment or shame. Young children cannot understand the intricacies of human reproduction, but they can detect the feelings of the parents toward the subject of sexuality.