Activities Overload

It seems as though children today are, in large part, over-scheduled. There is little downtime in their hectic daily rush from one activity to another. At minimum, many children have a different activity every day of the week--and sometimes more than one. They may have soccer, ballet, piano lessons, Spanish, and choir, just to name a few. The parent who is available to drive her children all around town to their various activities may spend that wait-time busily making phone calls, answering emails, sending texts, and catching up on reading. If the parent does not have a flexible work schedule, then she must hire someone to haul her children around.

No matter who does the driving, everyone in the family eventually ends up at home at the end of the day only to wonder, “What’s for dinner?” And once again, it’s chicken nuggets and French fries, take-away Chinese food, or pizza. The kids love it, but their pediatrician would cringe. After dinner, it’s homework time, then time to practice the piano, and then time to do chores. If all of this is completed before the bedtime routine begins, there’s a little time to play--that is unless the children are glued to a screen somewhere video chatting, tweeting, checking their Facebook account, or texting.

Parents who have allowed this to happen to their families often have good reasons. They want their children to learn to use their time wisely. They want their children to have opportunities that they didn’t have growing up. They don’t want their children to be denied future opportunities because they didn’t start something at a young enough age. They want their children’s “resumes” to contain sufficient extra-curricular activities so that they will look good to college admissions directors. All of these arguments sound somewhat reasonable until you add it all up, and then you find that your family is in activities overload.

Is over-scheduling damaging? If the child is unhappy, anxious, depressed, or having somatic problems, or if the child is falling asleep in class, then the answer is probably “yes.” If the child is happy, energetic, and managing his time well, then the answer is probably, “no.”

In either case, consider this: what if your child dropped just one activity? What is his least favorite thing to do? Maybe it’s piano lessons. He hates to practice, and you spend every evening nagging him about it. Wouldn’t life be better for everyone if, at the next opportunity to make a change, he dropped piano lessons?

What could he do instead? He could play outside (that is, if there are any other children with free time in the neighborhood); he could read a book for pleasure; he could draw; he could daydream; or, he could play a board game with his sister (who recently dropped ballet).

This free time could be devoted to almost anything. The key is for your child to learn to do things independently without the guidance of a teacher/coach/adult. Recruit other kids from school for “play dates” if everyone in the neighborhood is overscheduled. But make sure to leave the kids alone to figure out what to do on their own because many children these days need practice with this. They are so used to organized activities that many don’t know how to use free time. Many children no longer even know how to start a pick-up game of basketball or how to organize a group to play an informal game of any sort.

The one thing that I don’t recommend is that free time be used to increase screen time. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that children between the ages of 3 and 12 should have total screen time of less than 2 hours per day. This includes all digital media activities including Internet use for homework, television, movies, computer games, video games, and social media. While this time limit may be somewhat unrealistic in today’s heavily screen-oriented society, the point is that time spent with eyes glued to a screen is time spent not doing other things, and that can be a problem.

The bottom line is that the Prudent Parent helps her child learn to use his time wisely, to choose a few activities that he enjoys and that are good for him, to set aside time to tend to his responsibilities around the house, and to pursue interests on his own. In addition, she ensures that her child has sufficient downtime to recharge his batteries from his daily activities. Furthermore, the Prudent Parent knows when to intervene in her child’s life and when to get out of his way. In doing this, she can help her family avoid activities overload and promote both independence and responsibility.