This method of discipline holds the child responsible for the consequences of his behavior. It allows children to make their own decisions about what course of action to take. It enables children to learn from their experiences and does not shield them from the natural or social order.
Natural consequences are those in which decisions are followed by the naturally-occurring results. For example, if the child refuses to wear a coat in the wintertime, he will be cold. If he refuses to eat dinner, he will be hungry, and if he handles a toy roughly, it will break. When there is a natural consequence for the child’s behavior, the parent need not insert herself into the situation. The child is very likely to learn from his experience without input from the parent other than to review with the child the cause and effect ("I'm sorry that you broke your airplane, but you did not play with it gently, and so it broke. Next time, you might choose to handle your toys with more care.").
For example, if your child chooses not to study for a test, then it is likely that he will not do very well. When he receives his grade, you can ask him if he is satisfied with the grade. Assuming that he wants to do well, you can remind him that he chose not to put much effort into studying, and that this was the predictable result. You can encourage him by saying that you have every confidence that if he puts in the necessary work in the future, he will do better.
Sometimes the situation doesn’t play out as you might expect, but that’s okay, too. My younger daughter, Miriam, wore shorts every day to middle school one year, no matter the weather. As it turned out, she was in a contest with her math teacher regarding who would “fold” first and wear long pants. He managed to wear shorts every day until it snowed (this was a private school where he could get away with this), and then he caved in. She won the bet and continued to wear shorts for the remainder of the school year. The point of this story is that, as a 12-year-old, Miriam was perfectly capable of making the decision about what to wear every day on her own and was able to live with the consequences, and it was not a point of contention in our household.
The next best thing in terms of consequences are “logical” consequences. Logical consequences are imposed by the parent when the natural consequence is either too dangerous or too far removed in time. Logical consequences are an effective way to control behavior and still allow children the freedom to make decisions that are healthy and safe.
An example of this would be, if your child leaves his bicycle in the driveway (and it hasn’t been run over yet—which would be a natural consequence) for the umpteenth time (he knows that he’s supposed to put it in the garage when he’s finished with it), he loses the privilege of riding his bike for a week. If your child breaks a toy due to his rough handling of it, then you do not replace it.
The three important components of any consequence—natural or logical—are that the consequence occur (or be imposed) as soon as possible after the misbehavior has occurred, that it is commensurate with the seriousness of the misbehavior, and that it is imposed in a matter-of-fact way.
Perhaps the most difficult aspect of logical consequences is for parents to come up with a positive consequence of following a rule. Remember, the positive consequence may be naturally occurring, and, thus, may happen without parental intervention. For example, if the child takes turns when playing with a friend, the interactions with the friend will be positive. If no positive consequence is forthcoming, then the parent must come up with one. This can be as simple as “catching them being good” and praising the behavior, or it may consist of doing something with the child that the child enjoys, such as going to the playground after the child has chosen to follow a rule in a particularly challenging situation. No matter what, ensuring that positive consequences occur as a result of following a rule must be practiced in order for it to become automatic.
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