Punishments deny children the opportunity to make their own decisions and to be responsible for their own behavior. The goal of punishment is to force the child into submission. On the other hand, imposing logical consequences for misbehavior encourages responsibility on the part of the child. Logical consequences hold the child responsible for his own behavior and allow him to make decisions about what course of action to follow. It also permits children to learn from their mistakes.
Logical consequences have great advantages over punishment. Don Dinkmeyer and Gary McKay (1989) contrast logical consequences and punishments.
• Logical consequences demonstrate some reality (“I realize that you like to watch cartoons on Saturday mornings, but I am trying to read and the television is too loud for me to concentrate. Either turn down the volume or go outside and play until I'm finished reading this article.”), while punishment uses the power of the parent over the child (“If you don’t turn down that TV, I’ll take away your television privileges for a week!”);
• Logical consequences are intimately related to the behavior (“I am going to vacuum the carpet in your room today, but there are toys and clothes all over the floor, so I can’t do that. Either put away your things, or I’ll bag everything up and put it all away for a couple of weeks, so you won’t have access to it.”), while punishment has little or nothing to do with the behavior (“Clean up your room or you’ll be grounded this weekend.”);
• Logical consequences are impersonal and do not imply moral judgment (“Since you lost my CD, you will have to replace it. How do you plan to do that?”), and punishment is personal (“You’re completely irresponsible! I’m taking away your phone for a week!);
• Logical consequences are concerned with present and future behavior (“I’m sorry that you can’t go to Susie’s house tomorrow, but you didn’t take the responsibility for coming home on time today seriously.”), while punishment is solely concerned with past behavior (“You violated curfew, so you can’t go out this weekend.”);
• Logical consequences are delivered with friendliness and goodwill (“No, you can’t play with the dog today because you didn’t take the time to feed and water him as you were supposed to do. You can try again tomorrow.”), while punishments are often delivered in anger (“I can’t believe that you didn’t take care of the dog again today! You’re completely irresponsible. You’re grounded for a week!”);
• Logical consequences provide a choice (“You may either settle down or leave the dinner table until you’re ready to sit and eat with the family.”), while punishment demands obedience (“Stop playing with your food or you’ll be sorry!”); and,
• Logical consequences don’t force children to submit to the parent’s will; they allow an element of choice and decision-making (“If you can’t stop fussing, we won’t be able to continue shopping because we are disturbing the other people in the store. Either stop fussing or we will go home now and try again tomorrow.”).
Dinkmeyer and McKay enumerate the basic principles of natural and logical consequences:
1. Rewards and punishments deny children the opportunity to make their own decisions and to be responsible for their own behavior;
2. Natural and logical consequences require that children be responsible for their own behavior;
3. Natural consequences are those that permit the child to experience the natural order of the physical world;
4. Logical consequences permit children to learn from the reality of the social world;
5. For consequences to be effective, the child must see them as reasonable;
6. The purpose of natural and logical consequences is to motivate children to make responsible decisions, not to force them into submission;
7. Be both firm and kind. Tone of voice demonstrates kindness and follow-through demonstrates firmness;
8. Don’t overprotect children from natural or logical consequences;
9. Be consistent in your responses to misbehavior;
10. Separate the deed from the doer;
11. Encourage independence;
12. Avoid pity--demonstrate empathy instead;
13. Refuse to become overly concerned about what others think;
14. Recognize who owns the problem and act accordingly;
15. Talk less, act more;
16. Refuse to fight or to give in;
17. Let all the children share in the responsibility when they are involved in a conflict;
18. When you do things for children that they can do for themselves, you rob them of self-respect and responsibility; and,
19. Be patient--it will take time for natural and logical consequences to become effective.
Steps in Providing Consequences according to Dinkmeyer and McKay (1989):
1. Provide choices;
2. Use neutral language and a positive tone of voice;
3. When you follow through with a consequence, assure your child that there will be another opportunity to change his decision later; and,
4. If the behavior is repeated, extend the time that must elapse before the child may try again.
One of the most useful and easiest consequences to impose is timeout. Timeout is a logical consequence because it removes the child from the setting in which he is misbehaving. For example, if he is throwing food at the table, he must leave the table for a timeout.
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References:
Dinkmeyer, Dan and McKay, Gary D. (1989) The Parent's Handbook. Circle Pines, MN: American Guidance Service.
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