In every household, there are nonnegotiable rules. Nonnegotiable rules are usually those that keep children safe and healthy, teach responsible behavior and good citizenship, and promote effective interpersonal skills. For young children, a nonnegotiable rule might be that they are not allowed to cross the street without an adult holding their hand. For teens, it might be that they are never to get into a car driven by someone who has been drinking or taking drugs.
Other rules may be negotiable. These are rules can be altered depending upon the circumstances (or upon the ability of the child to make a good case for modifying the rule on a short-term basis). What is the value of having negotiable rules? Negotiable rules demonstrate to the child that the parent can be reasonable and flexible. Also, every child needs to learn how to negotiate in the world. This gives him a head start.
An example of a negotiable rule might be bedtime for a middle-school-aged child. If the child is having a sleep-over on a weekend and his usual bedtime is ten o’clock, when his friends are over on a Saturday night, he might argue that they should be allowed to stay up until eleven o’clock. As long as he knows that by saying “yes” to his request, you are not making a permanent change in the rule, it’s fine to allow for special dispensation under these circumstances.
Keep in mind that if a rule needs to be modified frequently, the rule itself may need to be changed.
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