Discipline is Teaching: Rules and Consequences

In general, the fewer rules you need, the better, because the more rules you make, the more you have to enforce. There’s absolutely no point in making a rule and not having any consequence for breaking that rule. Similarly, a parent should never “threaten” a consequence without being willing to follow through.

When making rules, it is important to understand the capability of the child to follow rules at any given stage of development. It is counterproductive to put children into situations in which they cannot be successful. For example, it is unreasonable to expect a first grader to complete an hour of homework. But, setting the bar too low can lead to delays in the development of self-discipline as well. Expecting a kindergartener to take turns is perfectly reasonable.

Also keep in mind that children will make mistakes. They will push limits and break the rules. When they do make a mistake, they need to learn to cope. Parents can model handling mistakes if they talk about the mistakes they make and how they deal with them (“I wish that I hadn’t left doing the laundry until so late in the day. I would have felt better about myself if I had gotten it out of the way earlier.”).

Finally, take note that discipline, when done right, is a lot of work for the parent. It is much easier to punish than it is to plan ahead and to teach. But it’s very much worth it in the end. The better you do your job when your child is young, the less you’ll have to discipline him when he’s older.

The essentials of discipline include the following:
• Identifying necessary developmentally-appropriate rules;
• Phrasing rules in positive language (do’s rather than don’t’s);
• Determining reasonable and developmentally-appropriate logical or natural consequences; and,
• Explaining the reason for the rule and the consequence to the child in language that he can understand.