Temperament, once thought to be static is now considered to be more fluid. As it turns out, the human brain is remarkable in its plasticity through the lifespan, especially during the early childhood years, and it can be affected by various environmental factors, including parenting. For example, a shy child can become more outgoing with help from a tuned-in parent. As temperament changes over time, so can risk-taking style. Parents have a great deal of influence on risk-taking style and can help their children learn to thrive in a complicated world.
Each child’s pattern of strengths and weaknesses is different, and parents need to be intimately familiar with their child’s temperament profile in order to offer appropriate guidance. Temperamental factors that are essential to the development of risk-taking exist on a continuum, and the more familiar the parent is with where her child falls on the continuum with regard to each of the six factors, the better able she will be to guide the child into positive risk-taking. (Davis, 2009)
1. Shy, reserved . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . .gregarious, outgoing
2. Cautious . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . spontaneous
3. Calm . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .volatile
4. Highly focused . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . distractible
5. Low energy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .high energy
6. Easily adapts to new situations . . . . . . . . . . . inflexible and rigid
The shy, cautious child needs parental interventions to provide small steps in risk-taking with the strong likelihood of a successful outcome. One success will build upon the next, and over time, riskier situations can be tackled. (Davis, 2009)
The inflexible child has difficulty with transitions and change. He can, as a result, be defiant and argumentative. Getting along with others may be difficult for him because of his need to be right and to win in every situation. This gets in the way of positive risk-taking and can lead to an unhealthy perfectionism. (Davis, 2009)
This child needs plenty of advance notice of transitions, and he needs to be made aware of what to expect during changing circumstances. The more positive experiences
he has with transitions and change, the better able he will be in the future to handle it and the more likely he will be to take risks during or immediately after a transition. In addition, this child needs to know that it is okay not to be perfect. One way the parent can help is to model the ability to handle imperfect outcomes (“Oops! That didn’t work out very well. I’ll just have to try again next time.”). Engaging in competitive sports is also a good way to help the inflexible child handle less-than-perfect outcomes. No one gets a hit every at bat, no one plays a perfect game in tennis every time, and no one wins a basketball game without the opposing team scoring a basket.
The impulsive, distractible, high-energy child may take risks without thinking them through. He may be aggressive when annoyed or frustrated. He may answer questions without thinking. (Davis, 2009) Parents must find ways to help this type of child to slow down and think before acting. When the child is winding himself up, try to intervene before his activity level reaches its peak. Develop and implement a calming ritual (“I can see that you’re getting yourself all worked up. Let’s take a moment to calm down. Let’s take a deep breath and then sing the ABC song together.”). If impulsivity is a problem in the classroom you might want to share this ritual with your child’s teacher so that she can use it to calm your child. In addition, it may be useful for you to become familiar with the techniques of Mindfulness Meditation and to teach some of them to your child.
The low-energy, inattentive child may have difficulty with positive risk-taking. He may float from one activity to another without engaging with any of them. He will not volunteer an answer, and may not even process the question. (Davis, 2009) It is crucial for you to intervene to help this type of child learn to engage with an activity for a more extended period. Play alongside your child. When he tries to change activities after only a short period of time, attempt to interest him in sticking with the activity for a while longer (“Let’s make a big castle with blocks before we put them away.”), and praise him for doing so (“You really made a beautiful castle. I’m glad that you stuck with it and made it really big. Let’s show it to Daddy when he gets home.”). Enlist the help of the child’s preschool teacher. Explain what you are trying to accomplish, and ask her if she will encourage your child to engage in a single center activity for a longer period of time.
In addition to understanding your child’s temperament profile, you need to understand the degree to which there is a good fit between your temperament and your child’s temperament, as this affects the development of risk-taking in the child. There is said to be a “goodness of fit” if the child is functioning in a healthy manner: doing well academically, socially, and emotionally. If the fit is not perfect, you can modify your temperament to improve that fit. The first step is to understand how your child’s behavior makes you feel and to understand that you must be patient both with yourself and with your child. Using self-reflection and listening skills will enable you to better understand yourself and your child.
Once you have determined that your child’s temperament is getting in the way of him taking risks, then consider ways in which you can modify your behavior to help your child. For example, if you have determined that your child is overly cautious and this inhibits his willingness to try new things (to take positive risks), you may have to overcome your own tendency toward over-protectiveness of your child in order to encourage positive risk-taking on his part. Start with small steps in the direction of encouraging your child to try new things (“Now that you’re three, you can climb the ladder to the top of the slide all by yourself.”), and do your utmost not to transmit your fears to him (“You can do it!”). Praise him when he takes small risks (“What a big boy you are! You climbed up to the top of the slide and slid down all by yourself! That’s great! Let’s see you do it again.”). As he achieves success with small risks, encourage him to take bigger risks, but proceed slowly, ensuring as much as possible, positive outcomes while you and he are gaining in confidence.
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References
Davis, S. and Eppler-Wolff, N. (2009). Raising Children Who Soar: A Guide to Healthy Risk-Taking in an Uncertain World. New York: Teachers College Press.
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