All children have the capacity to become good risk-takers. The human brain is far more malleable than was thought 25 years ago. The development of the ability to take positive emotional risks is a part of the development of emotional intelligence and can be encouraged by parents. (Goleman, 1995)
Examples of children taking positive risks include the following (Davis, 2009):
• Leaving mother at the door of the daycare center;
• Singing a solo in the school chorus; and,
• Persisting in the study of math even though it is challenging.
“Good” risk-taking is the “ability to make the everyday decisions and choices that involve a conscious leap of thought, feeling, or action.” With risk comes the possibility of failure. All risks are a challenge, but not all challenges are risky. This is because each person has a risk-taking profile. What is risky for one person may not be risky for another. It is the act of moving beyond one’s comfort zone that constitutes risk. Experiencing uncertainty stretches us toward a new self-image that takes into account our previous experiences with risk. (Davis, 2009)
A good risk taker “goes for it” after thoughtful contemplation—he reaches beyond where he is to take on new challenges. Some children may do this naturally without much warm-up time; but other children may need to observe for a time to contemplate the task or to watch others attempt the task before beginning. (Davis, 2009)
While children may approach risk-taking differently, all good risk-takers tolerate failures and disappointments and tend to bounce back. Watching their children experience frustration and failure may be difficult for parents. As a result, parents may do too much for their child to minimize frustration and failure. One way that they do this is to become overly involved in the child’s school work in an attempt to stave off these feelings.
Some children may not be self-starters, and they may need help getting going on homework, or they may need encouragement in persisting in the face of frustration. They may also need guidance in getting organized and help staying focused. This is okay. But parents shouldn’t go so far as to take on a significant share of the responsibility for doing the work.
If the child doesn’t have a sufficient level of understanding to complete the assignment without extraordinary help on the part of the parent, the teacher needs to know this, and the child needs to be encouraged to ask the teacher for help. Over-involvement in completing homework robs children of the benefits of learning through mistakes (and it masks the need for the teacher to re-teach the material). In addition, learning to ask for help is an important skill. Some amount of frustration and even failure helps children to develop resilience. In fact, low-to-moderate frustration helps to inoculate children against stress-related difficulties later in life. (Davis, 2009)
A good risk-taker is tenacious. He will persist in the face of challenge and, he will work hard in anticipation of the good feelings associated with accomplishment. A good risk-taker takes pleasure in his accomplishments and is proud of himself. In fact, he can take pleasure even from partial success. He is realistic about his abilities, and when faced with partial accomplishment or failure, he strives to do better in the future. (Davis, 2009)
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References
Davis, S. and Eppler-Wolff, N. (2009). Raising Children Who Soar: A Guide to Healthy Risk-Taking in an Unceratin World. New York: Teachers College Press.
Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional Intelligence. New York: Bantam Books.
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