Given that the teen may be involved in, or is contemplating getting involved in, a sexual relationship, parents should discuss this subject with their teen and should lay out the responsibilities and the possible consequences of this risky behavior. (Amundson, 1989) The Prudent Parent will have been proactive, so this topic will have been discussed previously, and conversations at this time will simply be continuations of ongoing conversations about sexuality. If this has not been the case, then parents must be very clear with their teen regarding the risks and responsibilities associated with sexual activity.
Putting off talking about the risks and responsibilities of early sexual activity until this late date is risky in itself.
In addition to risks involving intimate relationships, teens at this age risk learning to drive, risk stretching themselves academically with increasingly difficult courses at school, risk balancing schedules heavy with extra-curricular activities, and risk applying to colleges, which carries the inherent fear of rejection. Parents can help teens reduce these risks by ensuring that the teen is prepared for each challenge.
Taking a driver education course increases the teen’s competence as a new driver and reduces the associated risk of learning to drive. Taking seriously the prerequisite courses for AP classes and establishing good study routines helps to ensure that the teen is ready for the college-level work required of the AP student. Also, making sure that the teen does not load up his schedule with more AP courses than he can handle may be an appropriate intervention on the part of the parent Parents can also help by keeping an eye on the degree to which the student is over-scheduled and sleep-deprived. Teens, in an attempt to look good to colleges, can get in over their heads with advanced courses and extracurricular activities. It is the parent’s job to monitor this and to suggest strongly that the teen use good sense when taking on new responsibilities. Parents can also help teens manage the risk of applying to colleges by encouraging them to include on their list of colleges ones that they’d like to attend and to which they are very likely to be admitted (“safety schools”). If presented to the teen properly, this will not seem as though the parent has a lack of faith in the teen’s abilities. Rather, it will simply be seen as something that everyone does in order to be assured of a college placement.
In general, parents must walk a fine line between making clear their views on the various issues facing their teens and keeping lines of communication open (“This is what I think. What are your views?”). At this age, teens have a growing need for independence but must be monitored carefully. Parents should know where their teen is and with whom he is spending time, but the parents should give the teen as much freedom to come and go as he can handle safely. The greater his maturity, the greater freedom he should be given. In any case, the teen should be clear on family rules and the consequences for breaking those rules, but he should be involved in creating both the rules and the consequences.
The life of the middle adolescent is full of uncertainty, but that is not always a bad thing. When the teen struggles with uncertainty, he has the opportunity to demonstrate his ability to take on new challenges and to make choices. His successes boost his self-esteem. If his attempts are met with failure, however, he can feel anxious and uncertain. (Davis, 2009) Parents can help teens make good choices and decisions, however, and this will allow the teen to experience more success than failure. Parents can help by engaging in the following (Amundson, 1989):
• discussing with the teen potential problems/decisions;
• gathering more information about the problem/decision with the teen;
• helping the teen to generate alternative courses of action;
• helping the teen to examine the consequences of the various courses of action;
• considering the teen’s feelings and values; and,
• helping the teen choose the best decision/solution/choice.
Ultimately, the teen should be making the final decision/solution/choice, but with the parent’s help, he should be making more good decisions than bad, and this should boost his self-esteem. With each good decision, his ability to make good decisions in the future will be improved. The eventual goal is, of course, for the teen to be able to make good decisions on his own without the help of the parent.
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References
Amundson, K. (1989). Parenting Skills: Bringing Out the Best in Your Child. Arlington, VA: American Association of School Administrators.
Davis, S. and Eppler-Wolff, N. (2009). Raising Children Who Soar: A Guide to Healthy Risk-Taking in an Uncertain World. New York: Teachers College Press.
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