Communicating During the Preschool and Elementary School Years

Preschoolers

Preschoolers love to talk. They ask “why?” and “how?” frequently, and they want to tell you everything that comes into their heads. This provides endless opportunities for conversation. You can repeat what they say to you, expanding and extending their speech (“You saw a movie about dinosaurs yesterday? What kind of dinosaurs were in the movie?” “Were the dinosaurs scary?”). If you ask open-ended questions (those that require more than a yes/no answer), you may be surprised to find that your preschooler is thinking deeper thoughts than you had imagined (“Which dinosaur is your favorite?” “Why do you like that dinosaur the best?” “If you were a dinosaur, which one would you be? Why?”).

In addition to providing you with information about their lives, preschoolers seek your admiration (“See how big I am?” “I have a new sweater!”) for their every accomplishment and new acquisition. Be sure to praise and encourage your preschooler frequently (“You sure know a lot about dinosaurs!” “I wish I had a sweater that looked like that!”). While excessive praise can be detrimental to older children, you cannot over-praise a preschooler.

Elementary-Age Children

Once he reaches elementary school, your child will be able to tell you about what is happening in his life, such as what is going on in school, if you ask the right questions. Rather than ask the general question, “What did you do in school today?” which may get you the answer, “nothing,” ask more specific questions like, “What did you do in science today?” or “What are you learning about in social studies?” or ask them about the test you know that they had in spelling or math. Remember, though, don’t grill, interrogate, or badger your child. Ask questions as conversation starters not just as a way to gather information. Once the elementary-age child realizes that you are interested in more than just grades, he’ll be more forthcoming with details about his life.

One way to promote conversation is to avoid the topic of academics altogether. Instead, ask your child about recess (“Who did you play with at recess today?” or “What games did you play at recess?”) or about his extra-curricular activities (“What did you work on at your piano lesson today?” “How was the scrimmage in soccer?” “What position did you play?” “What is your favorite position?” “Why do you like to play that position the best?”). In addition, you can tell your child about your day, about what you have planned for the evening, or about what you've been thinking about lately.