Once your child has reached the preschool stage, he still relies on you to meet his basic biological and psychological needs, but he is able to do more for himself. Preschoolers can, with support, do much of their own self-care and take on simple household chores. Parents must refrain from stepping in to do things for the preschooler that he can (and wants to) do for himself. If the parent can learn to let go to some degree, she can enjoy the child’s newly-forming independence with him. Encourage his natural tendency to want to do for himself and praise his efforts as well as his successes (even partial ones) using specific language that points out what the child did to make the positive thing happen (“Your room looks so neat and clean. I know it wasn’t easy for you to put away all of your toys and clothes, but you kept at it, and you did it. Congratulations!”). This helps him to associate effort with results, and this is the basis for self-efficacy.
At this stage, the child will require less and less assistance from you, especially if you are teaching him to do for himself through the judicious use of routines (see blog posts from 5/28/15 and 5/29/15 on the use of routines). You will still get him up in the morning and help him to follow the morning routine (which he has been learning since he was a toddler), but by letting him do as much as he can for himself, you give him the gifts of self-efficacy, self-esteem, and autonomy. Just remember that everything takes at least three times as long as you think it should, so plan accordingly. It is better for your preschooler to wake up a little earlier than to have to be rushed through the morning routine. The need to rush puts unnecessary stress on everyone.
Following the morning routine, as well as routines for leave-taking and bedtime help children to feel more in control and capable. These feelings are precursors to self-efficacy, which will increase as the child is able to build on the successes he has had with familiar routines and tasks.
Elementary-Age Children
Once he reaches elementary school, your child should be able to do a great deal for himself. The more successful he is in his daily life with routines and recurring tasks, the greater his sense of self-efficacy, and the more willing he will be to take on additional non-routine challenges.
One of the most basic goals for an elementary-age child may be to wake up with an alarm clock and set about doing his morning routine without your direct supervision. The occasional “How are you coming along?” with a mention of what time it is should suffice. The less you nag and the more faith you put in your child’s ability to manage a well-established morning routine (which should be posted on his bedroom wall), the more independent he will become in a way that is completely developmentally appropriate. Don’t expect miracles; just expect continuous progress toward the goal of having your child complete his various daily routines on his own by the time he is 8 or 9 years old. Make sure to praise your child’s efforts and successes in specific language.
In addition to following a morning routine, a homework routine, and a bedtime routine, the elementary school-age child should have daily chores to complete and should be working toward taking over other responsibilities from his parents. This transfer of responsibility can be completed over time as the child demonstrates readiness. Some common responsibilities for the elementary-age child include the following: packing his own lunch and snacks from the healthy foods made available by his parents; recognizing and avoiding potential hazards such as traffic and strangers; abiding by household rules (for TV, computers, and regarding having friends over to play); using a helmet when riding a bike or skateboarding; and, understanding where he is allowed to go on his own (the neighbor’s yard, the neighborhood playground, or the corner store, for example). The child’s growing sense of responsibility for his own health, safety, and well-being provides him with a sense of self-confidence, self-esteem, self-efficacy, and autonomy.
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