Helping Children Cope with Death

When children are faced with the death of a loved one, it is best to deal with it openly and honestly, but it must be done so with an understanding of their developmental level. Begin by checking out books on the topic that are age-appropriate. These may give you some ideas about broaching the subject with your child.

One way to explain the concept of death is to first focus on “small” deaths such as the death of leaves on trees, flowers, or insects. If a pet has died, remind them of that experience. The important thing is that they understand the finality of death. Avoid using euphemisms that liken death with sleeping or going away such as “went to sleep,” “passed away,” or “lost her father.” These ideas can be frightening to children and lead to confusion about death and dying.

Children need to know about what is happening in terms of the funeral, the memorial service, or the burial. They may want to visit the grave of the loved one. While attending an open-casket wake is probably not be appropriate for a young child, going to the funeral may help them to understand that people are sad when someone close to them dies and that the person will not be coming to see them in the future.