• Focus all of their attention on their child at the end of the work day (this can be suffocating to the child and may be the result of the parent’s guilt at working long hours);
• Interfere with their child’s social life by communicating extensively with the parents of their child’s friends and classmates (to arrange play-dates with children that their child may or may not want to play with, for example);
• Do things for their child that their child is capable of doing on his own (making the teen’s lunch for him, for example);
• Interfere when their child is trying to learn something new (“I can teach you how to do that in a better way”);
• Tell their child what to do at every turn (“Button your coat.” “Don’t forget your book.” “Put on your shoes.”)
• Are overly-involved in their child’s school experiences including doing homework with (and sometimes for) their child (“Let me see your work from today.” “What do you have for homework?” “Where is your math book?”)
• Take on what should be their child’s responsibility (“Hurry up! You’ll be late for school!”)
• Don’t allow their child to learn from experience (“I’ll drive you back to school to get your science book);
• Protect their child from the consequences of his actions and behaviors (“I will write a note to your teacher to let her know that you couldn’t finish your homework because you had to go to bed.”); and,
• Are overly concerned with their child’s mistakes and how their child is perceived by others.
The result of this over-involvement is that the child has no time to be alone, never has to negotiate his own problems, and gets the idea that all adults (including teachers and coaches) will focus on him exclusively.
How can you recover from over-involvement? Read tomorrow's blog post for some ideas to use right away.
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