A great time to talk is when you are driving your tween/teen from one place to another. There is something about riding in the car that is conducive to conversation, even about “difficult” topics. It may be that he likes the fact that you cannot make prolonged eye-contact when you are driving, or it may be that your tween/teen feels as though he is “trapped” in the car with you. Whatever the reason, seize the opportunity to talk with your child whenever possible.
One thing to remember is that just like when talking with a younger child, you will have more success in communicating with your tween//teen if you listen carefully and avoid being critical. Rather than rushing to judgment, accept his ideas, even if you disagree. Start by clarifying what he is saying to you with comments like, “What I hear you saying is that you want to be able to start dating before you turn fourteen.” Then ask for more information (“Why do you think that you’re old enough to start dating now?”). Before making a decision that may or may not be what your tween/teen wants to hear, take time to think about the issue before responding (“Let me think about this for a day or two.”). Then, consider the possibility of a compromise that will satisfy both you and your tween/teen (“I’ve given this a lot of thought, and I’ve decided that you may start to date in groups now, but you may not go on a date alone until you are fourteen”).
Remember, the most important goal is to keep lines of communication open throughout the tween/teen years. Do whatever it takes to keep your tween/teen in the conversation. By doing so, you increase the probability that your child will come to you when things in his life become complicated or troublesome and when he needs advice.
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