An Introduction to Honest Praise and Encouragement (Part 1 of 4)

The Prudent Parent knows that the best way to ensure a young child’s success is to engineer the environment for success. By planning ahead, parents can arrange situations such that the child will be successful in his efforts the vast majority of the time. For example, designating certain rooms of the house as the child’s rooms and carefully child-proofing them is a good first step. Next, providing interesting, age-appropriate toys for the child to play with leads to successful play. Finally, rotating out the toys as your child tires of them ensures the kind of novel experiences that promote successful experimentation. In addition, taking a toddler to a playground that is designed for toddlers rather than for older children ensures that the child will be successful in his attempts to use the equipment. Once the child has been successful, then parents can provide honest praise for the child’s effort or accomplishment ("I was very impressed with the way you climbed up the slide ladder with my help." “You did a great job walking on the low balance beam today!”).

In addition to creating environments that ensure success and give parents opportunities for sincere praise, Prudent Parents know that they can always provide encouragement for their child’s efforts even when the child is less than successful. Encouragement has advantages over praise in that it allows parents to value children as they are (“You sure are good at building with blocks!”); to demonstrate faith in the child (“I know that you will try your best to share your toys when David comes over to play.”); to appreciate the child’s contributions to the household (“Thank you for helping to put the dishes into the dishwasher”); and, to value improvement over accomplishment (“I know that it’s hard for you to remember to put your toys away after you play with them, but you did a much better job of doing that today than you did yesterday. Let’s finish the job together.”). (Dinkmeyer, 1989) Through encouragement, parents can demonstrate acceptance (“You really seem to enjoy painting.”) and confidence (“I’m sure that you’ll figure out a way to do it.”). You can focus on contributions (“Thank you for feeding the dog.”) as well as effort and improvement (“You sure have studied hard for your spelling test this week; look at the improvement you made as a result!”).

Parents who encourage their child to do his best and who recognize his effort will generally find that their child will put forth his best effort at most things. So, it is important to recognize your child’s efforts, especially in areas that your family values such as demonstrations of character, perseverance, and courage. Another technique that encourages children to do their best is to suggest to them that they set their own standards as often as possible. By setting their own standards, they will be more motivated to meet those standards (“What do you hope your time will be in the 50 meter butterfly this week?” “What grade would you be happy with on your spelling test on Friday?”).