Timeout: The All-Purpose Consequence

Timeout is a time-honored consequence that works well with preschoolers through about second graders (and sometimes with toddlers, depending on their level of maturity). There are various ways to implement it, but the way I used it was as follows:

1. The warning. In a matter-of-fact tone of voice, lay out the rule and the consequence (“If you continue to make loud noises while I am on the phone, you will have to have a timeout.”)

2. If they keep misbehaving, use a matter-of-fact tone of voice and say something like, “I’m going to count to three, and if you don’t stop, you’ll have to go to timeout. One . . . two . . . three . . . Okay, it sounds as though you have chosen to have a timeout.”

3. Send them to timeout. “Go to timeout, and I’ll set the timer. Once the timer goes off, your timeout will be over.”

4. Set the timer. My rule of thumb was that the timer is set for one minute for each year of the child’s age.

5. Wait out the timeout. Do not talk to the child or pay any attention to him while he is in timeout. This is so that he gets no reinforcement for his misbehavior (any sort of attention, even negative attention, serves to reinforce the behavior in children). If the child leaves timeout early, then send him back and reset the timer for the original timeout amount of time. Let your child know that if he doesn’t stay where he is and sit quietly, you will have to reset the timer. In extreme cases, you may have to have the child sit on your lap (facing away from you) while you hug him during his timeout.

6. After the timeout. Have the child tell you why he was in timeout. “Tell me why you had to go to timeout.” Then, forget about it and move on.

As far as where to send the child for timeout, it needs to be the most boring place you can send him where he will be safe while away from your direct supervision. I used the bottom step of the stairway, as it was out of the way and quiet. Some people use a chair facing the corner of the room and call it “the naughty corner.”

If you’re away from home when your child needs a timeout it can be done almost anywhere. If I were near my car, we’d go to the car for the timeout. If I were driving when the timeout was needed, I’d pull over into a parking lot and wait it out there. If we were in the middle of a department store, I’d find a chair in or near a dressing room and use that. Be as creative as you can, but don’t threaten a timeout if you can’t follow through with it.