How You Were Parented Can Affect Your Parenting: Authoritarian, Permissive, and Authoritative Parenting Styles

There are many factors that determine what style a parent adopts with her own children. One factor is the way in which the parent was, herself, parented. In some cases, we want to emulate our parents, and in other cases, we seek to incorporate some, but not all, of our parents’ parenting techniques. Sometimes, we aim do the opposite of what our parents did. No matter what our intentions, it is important to understand that under stress, we may revert to the parenting style of our parents, even if that is not our plan. Awareness is the first step toward parenting in an intentional rather than in an automatic manner.

In an effort to understand the way in which you were parented, it is useful to understand a little about three general styles of parenting. In the parenting literature, parenting is generally categorized as authoritarian, permissive, or authoritative. After reading the following descriptions, see if you can place your parents’ style of parenting into one of these three categories.

Authoritarian parents tend to be detached and controlling, and they demonstrate little warmth toward their children. They set absolute standards for behavior, and they demand unquestioning obedience and respect for authority. Discipline is focused on punishment such as deprivation of privileges and material objects as well as physical punishments. Children of authoritarian parents tend to be distrustful, discontent, and withdrawn; they are often moody and unhappy; they can be unfriendly as well as passive-aggressive; and, they can be vulnerable to stress. (Black J., 1996)

Permissive parents tend to be warm but undemanding. They place little emphasis on responsibility, yet children are allowed to regulate their own behavior a good deal of the time. Children of permissive parents tend to be more impulsive and lower achieving than other children; they may demonstrate more aggressive and rebellious behaviors; and, they can be less self-reliant and self-controlled. (Black J., 1996)

Authoritative parenting is an affectionate and compassionate approach. The authoritative parent is nurturing and responsive yet behaviorally demanding. This approach promotes independence by offering behavioral choices within limits rather than telling children exactly what to do, by giving reasons for limits, and by encouraging verbal give-and-take when explaining rules. Children who are parented in an authoritative manner tend to be more self-reliant, self-controlled, and responsible; they have higher self-esteem; they are more content, friendly, and well behaved; they are more curious and achievement-oriented; they have a more well-developed sense of right and wrong; and, they are better able to handle stress. (Black J., 1996)

Once you have determined the general way in which you were parented, you can thoughtfully consider to what degree (or if) you want to emulate your parents. In addition, reading as much as you can about various subsets of these three general parenting styles can help you to develop your own parenting philosophy and style. In my next post, I look at authoritative parenting in more detail, as it forms the basis for Prudent Parenting.

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References

Black, J. and Puckett, M., (1996). The Young Child: Development from Prebirth Through Age Eight (2nd ed.). Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Merrill.