Household Chores: Responsibility in Action

One area in which each family member can demonstrate responsibility is by taking part in housekeeping chores. By expecting each member of the family to accept some responsibility for keeping the house running smoothly, the Prudent Parent instills in her children an overall sense of responsibility.

In fact, there is little that a parent can do that promotes responsibility more than requiring her children to participate in household chores. Especially when the family is busy (and whose family isn’t these days?), it is important for every member of the family to pitch in to do the chores that enable the household to function.

Preschoolers, who love to emulate mom, dad, and older siblings can set the table for dinner (perhaps using plastic dishware for safety’s sake). Elementary-age children can take out the trash and the recycling. Feeding the dog is important and not difficult. Doing laundry and cooking are great jobs for teenagers. Everyone can participate in cleaning up after dinner and loading the dishwasher.

One of the biggest regrets that I have about how I raised my children was that I didn’t assign them regular chores. I had two reasons for not requiring them to help out around the house. First, Esther and Miriam were extremely responsible about completing their schoolwork and for doing everything necessary to meet the obligations associated with their various activities (including Miriam getting up on her own at 5:30 in the morning for swim practice and Esther practicing tennis diligently). I thought that that was enough to ask of them. I didn’t even insist that they keep their rooms tidy.

My second reason for not requiring that my daughters do chores around the house was that for most of the time that they were growing up, we had help in the house. Both Eric and I were working more-than-full-time jobs and going to graduate school, and we couldn’t manage on our own. Some years we had quite a bit of help and other years the help was minimal, but between what those whom we hired did, and what Eric and I did, we managed to keep things running reasonably smoothly without the help of our children.

The final reason that I did not require that Esther and Miriam do their part to help out around the house was that I was too exhausted to ensure that they would take their responsibilities around the house seriously and do their chores in the absence of constant reminders.

In retrospect, I feel strongly that this was a mistake. It was an opportunity missed to teach the girls responsibility and to provide them with the skills necessary to live on their own. As it turned out, both Esther and Miriam became extremely responsible and developed an admirable work ethic through other means, but neither of them learned all of the self-care skills that I learned from my mother such as cooking, cleaning, ironing, mending, etc. While they have developed these skills to one degree or another since they graduated from college, I feel that I let them down in this area.

So, even if your children’s schedules are full, and even if you are fortunate enough to have help in the house, and even if you are exhausted, the children should be held responsible for keeping their rooms neat and for pitching in with family chores to some degree. For more on how to do this, see tomorrow's blog post.