The Importance of Self-Esteem

Self-esteem is the value that you place on yourself or how you feel about yourself in general. Self-esteem is built upon experiences and upon the reactions of others. All children need self-esteem. They need to feel confident, worthy, and capable. Those children who lack self-esteem are left feeling helpless, weak, and discouraged. Self-esteem is built slowly over time. It comes from real accomplishments and cannot be built upon contrived or trivial praise from parents and others. (Black, 1996)

Self-esteem that is verified by parents and teachers tends to cause children to become “personally effective, poised, competent, and capable of independent and creative action.” (Alvy, 2008, p. 38) High self-esteem also produces more resilient children and predicts social, academic, and career success.

In order to have strong self-esteem during the primary school period (ages 5 – 8), children need to see themselves as having real accomplishments. Success in school and in extra-curricular activities goes a long way toward meeting this need. In addition, they must feel that they are accepted, wanted, and needed by parents, peers, and teachers. (Black, 1996) A strong sense of self-esteem generally leads to appropriate behavior and a willingness to try new things. (Wetzel, 1990)

In older school-age children (ages 9 – 11), children’s self-esteem depends to an even greater degree on school performance and, to some degree, on the child’s position in his peer group. In addition, more opportunities for independent action promote feelings of self-confidence and industry. Parents can support the child’s need for independence in a multitude of ways including demonstrating an interest in what the child is learning in school and by celebrating effort and successes in school and in extra-curricular activities. In addition, holding children responsible for managing schoolwork, getting ready for school in the morning without parental nagging, and for keeping up with requirements of extra-curricular activities (e.g., practicing a musical instrument) increases self-esteem. (Black, 1996)

If self-esteem is strong, then children of all ages find it easier to admit their own responsibility when things go wrong. Well-adjusted children can muster the self-confidence to counterbalance the hurt or shame of wrongdoing and to see it in the larger context (“Yes, I made a mistake, but I’m generally a good person”).

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Resources

Alvy, K. (2008). The Positive Parent: Raising Healthy, Happy, and Successful Children, Birth to Adolescence. New York: Teachers College Press.

Black, J. and Puckett, M. (1996). The Young Child: Development from Prebirth Through Age Eight (2nd ed.). Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Merrill.

Wetzel, L. (1990). Parents of Young Children: A Parent Education Curriculum. St. Paul, MN: Toys 'n things Press.