Understanding Motivation in Toddlers through Teens

The Prudent Parent recognizes that motivation is something that develops over time. Toddlers almost universally want to participate in self-care activities such as feeding, dressing, and bathing. By encouraging these activities, parents contribute to the child’s growing sense of self-confidence. Denying the toddler’s desire to “do it myself” creates an artificial dependence on parents, which can have negative ramifications later in the child’s life. If your toddler can’t quite do what he wants to do, then do it with him rather than for him. As he becomes more adept, do less and less until he is finally able to do it completely on his own. At that point, significant praise is warranted ("You did it all by yourself! What a big boy you are!").

In addition to encouraging self-care, parents who praise their young children’s early learning activities encourage them to develop new skills. Toddlers can learn to name colors, animals, and shapes. Preschoolers can begin to learn letters and numbers. Some can even learn to write and read a few words. Elementary-age children are motivated to produce and do many things of meaning and value, and when parents praise their child’s efforts, the child is motivated to continue. Remember, the child does not have to perform perfectly to deserve praise. Recognizing their efforts and partial successes is important as well ("You are making great progress with your reading. Soon you'll be reading chapter books!").

While the eventual goal is internal motivation—doing something for its own sake rather than for an external reward—internal and external motivation are not mutually exclusive. External motivation can turn into internal motivation under the right circumstances. If parents expose children to a variety of areas of interest, if they allow the child’s capability in the area of interest to unfold at its own pace (without pushing), and if they reward intellectual curiosity and risk taking (trying things that they are not sure that they can do), children can become absorbed in an interest and pursue it for its own sake rather than for the parents’ praise. (Levine, 2006)

The reason that internal motivation is the ultimate goal is that people who are internally motivated tend to enjoy their work more than people who work only for the external rewards that they receive. These individuals are also more likely to seek out challenges in life.

School-age children also seek to emulate parents, especially in their work ethic. If parents work hard, and if they talk about their own work and the perseverance that is required in the face of difficult tasks, their children are likely to develop a strong work ethic and are more likely to be able to withstand the inevitable frustrations and set-backs inherent in learning to do something new, such as learning to read, to write, and to calculate. Eventually, the pleasure in learning to do something new is enjoyed in its own right, not simply as a way to please parents. An inspiring teacher also has a positive effect on motivation. (Furman, 1987)

How can a parent tell if a child is internally motivated? Some indicators are that the child (Furman, 1987):

• tends to become absorbed in the tasks (reading, writing, building things);

• seeks opportunities to practice the skill (reading independently, practicing piano without being nagged to do so, counting everything in sight);

• demonstrates persistence in the face of challenges (practicing violin or playing soccer);

• seems to take genuine pleasure in the effort; and,

• does not seek external rewards (gold stars, tokens) for learning new things.

Without the internal motivation to learn and without deriving pleasure from the process of learning, school can become drudgery into young adulthood. If the parent models pleasure in learning, then the child probably will derive pleasure from learning, too. (Furman, 1987)

Sometimes children can judge themselves too harshly. Talking things over and being a bit of a cheerleader can sometimes help. This does not mean giving false praise. If the child fails in an attempt, if may be helpful for parents to say something like: “That is a good first try, and I’m sure you’ll get better at it in time.” or “I know that you didn’t play the piece perfectly, but the Allegro section sounded very polished.”

Parents can stimulate interests in children by exposing them to a wide variety of experiences. Attending concerts, dance recitals, and theater performances; going to sporting events; and, visiting museums or seeing an artist at work in her studio all can stimulate a child’s interest in an activity. Sometimes things just happen serendipitously. I saw my neighbor in the marching band in a parade once, and that inspired me to take up the clarinet, which I still play some forty-five years later.

In teens, motivation for high achievement must come from within; it cannot be the result of pressure from parents. The best thing that parents can do is to be supportive of their teen’s efforts in whatever they choose to do. Support involves warmth, encouragement, and appropriate levels of involvement (taking the teen to the library to study or to do research; introducing the teen to a variety of study skills; attending the teen’s performances, recitals, or games; and arranging for the teen to go to a summer programs such as Governor’s School, Girls’ State, or a language learning camp, etc.).

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References

Furman, E. (1987). Helping Young Children Grow. Madison: International Universities Press.

Levine, L. (2006). The Price of Privilege: How Parental Pressures and Material Advantage Are Creating a Generation of Disconnected and Unhappy Kids. New York: Harper Collins.