The Roots of Self-Confidence

Self-confidence is the belief that you can be successful in a specific arena. A child begins to feel self-confident when his parents accept him for who he is, not who they wish him to be. Parents who want to help their child develop self-confidence must recognize their child as a unique and precious individual with particular talents and abilities and communicate that to him.

In order to help the child build self-confidence, parents should strive to be specific in their praise and to accompany that praise with smiles and hugs. It is important to be careful not to overpraise or give disingenuous praise, however. Once he is past the preschool stage, the child will likely recognize this and then discount all praise that is given.

In order to aide your child in developing self-confidence, help him to find things that he is interested in and is good at and encourage participation in these activities. Some children enjoy sports, while others are more interested in music or dance. Some children are interested in the visual arts and may enjoy taking a drawing class. Achievement in areas of interest promotes self-confidence.

At home, spend time with your child on a one-on-one basis, and do things together that you both enjoy. Activities such as playing basketball, cycling, camping, and woodworking can all be enjoyed by parents and children together. Cooking is one activity that both of my children enjoyed from a very young age. At first, you can keep it simple by making things like pancakes and cookies. Later, you can have them help you cook meals. Involve them to whatever degree they are capable. To be able to participate in cooking for the family, even in a limited way, builds self-confidence and helps children to develop a skill that will be valuable to them throughout their lives.

In addition to promoting self-confidence, parents must strive not to damage that self-confidence. If your child has misbehaved or otherwise done something wrong, for example, don’t criticize him. Rather, focus on the behavior and what you’d like to see changed. Remember, it is not the child who is “bad;” it is the behavior that is unacceptable. By focusing on the behavior rather than the child, you help the child to improve his behavior without damaging his self-confidence.

Tomorrow's blog post: Promoting Self-Care and Self-Efficacy