Self-Care, Self-Efficacy, and Self-Esteem: Why Are They Important? Part 1--Infants and Toddlers

The Prudent Parent knows that the development of self-esteem is important for children. But, she also knows that equally important for children are the ability to care for their own bodies and to take action on their own behalf.

Self-care is how we care for our bodies.

Self-efficacy is the feeling that we can successfully act on our environment—it is a judgment of personal capability.

Self-esteem is how we feel about ourselves.

Of the three, self-efficacy is most strongly connected to success in the world. In addition, self-efficacy is even more closely related to healthy emotional development than is self-esteem. In order to develop self-efficacy, the child must be allowed to do for himself. The parent who acts on behalf of the child robs him of the opportunity to act on his own behalf, thus reducing his feelings of self-efficacy. The goal then, from the very beginning, should be to teach children care for themselves and to act on their own behalf as much of the time as possible. (Levine, 2006)

Infants

Infants are not born with the ability to care for themselves, nor do they have feelings of self-efficacy. They do have the capacity to develop these qualities, however, and it is their environment that helps them to do so. The first step for an infant is to develop a good feeling about his body—liking to feel good. The parents provide this feeling in the first weeks of life by feeding, cleaning, holding, cuddling, and talking to their baby. (Furman, 1987)

Gradually, the infant remembers these good feelings and wants them to be repeated. The baby’s job is to find ways to communicate his needs, wants, and, eventually, his satisfaction to his caregivers. He cries and waves his arms to get his parent’s attention or to protest some discomfort, and he smiles, coos, and babbles when he is content. This active seeking out of good feelings is a step toward participating in self-care and establishes the basis of early self-esteem and self-efficacy (Furman, 1987)

In the second six months of life, the baby’s cries become more purposeful, and the parents must learn to distinguish each cry’s meaning. They do this through careful observation, thinking, trial and error, and evaluation combined with a positive attitude about the possibility of being successful in this regard. When the baby is able to signal his specific needs, he is actively engaging in getting his needs met and is, thereby, developing self-efficacy. (Furman, 1987)

Between 6 and 12 months, the baby can start to participate in self-care activities. He can help to feed himself by holding his bottle, using a cup, and managing a spoon. This has the potential to be messy, but the parent should not hold the child back in an attempt to avoid the mess. Instead, the parent should enlist the baby’s help in cleaning himself and his highchair tray with a facecloth after eating.

At first, it may be difficult for the parent to relinquish some of the “doing” for the baby because the “doing” has been so pleasurable. But the Prudent Parent learns to substitute the pleasure derived from seeing the baby become more autonomous for that gained by “doing” for the baby. (Furman, 1987) Allowing babies to “do” for themselves leads to feelings of self-efficacy, which benefit the child in the long run. Overzealous parents can interfere with this, and they should resist the temptation to do things for the child that he is capable of doing for himself.

Toddlers

The key to helping a toddler develop a strong sense of self-efficacy is to provide him with a toddler-friendly world. In a simulating, yet safe, environment, the toddler meets with fewer frustrations and develops the feeling that he can be successful. In addition, if parents can adapt to “toddler time” and expect that everything will take at least three times as long as it would if they were doing everything for the child, the parent will find it easier to remain calm as the toddler takes over some of his self-care routines.

A toddler’s participation in his self-care is a boost to his self-esteem and his feelings of self-efficacy. The Prudent Parent recognizes that her role is beginning to shift from providing all care for the child to enlisting the child’s assistance in his own care. When toddlers participate in their own self-care, even when done inexpertly, they develop a good feeling about themselves and their bodies. Parental support for these early efforts, as well as praise and admiration, encourage these self-care attempts and eventual accomplishments. Self-care and self-esteem/self-efficacy go hand in hand. (Furman, 1987)

At this stage, the child can do a lot for himself, and everything that he is able to do for himself feeds his need for autonomy and enhances his feelings of self-efficacy. As soon as he’s able, give the child the opportunity to perform various self-care routines. At first, he’ll be able to take his clothes off by himself, but he’ll need help putting them on. Front and back and left and right present challenges, but you can help him master these things with little tricks such as putting a spot of red nail polish on the bottom of his right shoe and on the big toenail of his right foot.

When he feeds himself, he’ll be messy at first, but don’t let that deter you. He can wash his own face and sponge off his high chair tray after he has made a mess. In addition, if you provide him with a step-stool in the bathroom, he can also comb his hair, wash his face, and brush his teeth (under your close supervision--you can pretend to “check” to see that he’s cleaned all of his teeth while you finish the job). He can also begin bathing himself (with your help and supervision).

Remember, your child doesn’t have to do a perfect job at any of these things to deserve accolades. Toddlers love your attention and praise, and they thoroughly enjoy doing things for themselves. “Children whose needs have been respected, who have enjoyed need satisfaction, and who have been allowed active participation, do not need to be made to do for themselves.” (Furman, 1987, p. 291) Build on your toddler’s natural need for autonomy, and you’ll find that you hear the toddler’s favorite word, “No!” less frequently.

Self-care also involves protecting our bodies from harm. Although the parent has “child-proofed” the house, she will still have to teach the child to avoid harm. Ensuring that the child avoids potentially dangerous situations is still the parent’s job at this stage, but the toddler must still be taught so that he will, as an older child, be able to take over this important self-care task. Each potential danger must be explained in simple language that the toddler can understand such as, “Ouch! The stove is hot!” or “Look out! A car is coming!” (Furman, 1987)

One important thing to note is that in keeping the child from harm, parents must take care not to convey the idea that the world is a dangerous place. If they do, their children will not seek out challenging experiences. Depriving our children of rich experiences because of our fears (which may or may not be realistic) keeps them from learning new things as well as how to care for themselves in challenging environments.

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Furman, E. (1987). Helping Young Children Grow. Madison: International Universities Press.

Levine, M. (2006). The Price of Privilege: How Parental Pressures and Material Advantage Are Creating a Generation of Disconnected and Unhappy Kids. New York: Harper Collins.