• Self-awareness—the idea that one is a separate and unique individual;
• Self-recognition—the ability of the infant to recognize himself in a mirror;
• Self-definition—the child’s use of language to describe himself (“I’m a boy, and I’m three years old.”)
Self-awareness develops at around 4 months of age as a result of the infant’s interactions with his parents and the world. The child smiles, and someone smiles back. He kicks the mobile above his crib, and it moves. He vocalizes, and someone talks to him. These things indicate to him that he exists as an individual separate from others.
Self-recognition occurs at around 20 months of age. In the classic experiment, a spot of lipstick is put on the nose of the child, and when he looks in the mirror, he touches his own nose rather than the image of his nose in the mirror.
Self-definition is the realization by the child that he is an individual who has properties that can be described. Usually, the child initially describes himself in terms of very concrete things including age, height, and hair color, as well as his favorite things or what he likes to do (“I am three years old. I am a boy, I like to play with trucks.”).
The creation of self-concept is a complex process that is unpredictable. It begins with the parent’s love and acceptance of the child and continues to develop over time and is based, to varying degrees, on the opinions of others.
But, the self-concept cannot remain forever dependent upon the views of others. It must become increasingly independent and develop into something that resides within the individual. Once the sense of self is located within, it can, among other things, be relied upon to help the child bounce back from adversity. (Levine, 2006)
The goal, from a psychological standpoint, is to develop a self that is “authentic, capable, loving, creative, in control of itself, and moral.” (Levine, 2006, p. 66) A child with a healthy sense of self is ready and able to “own” his own life.
Several factors promote positive self-concept. These include the following:
• fair and consistent discipline;
• many opportunities to use developing skills;
• affection and positive attention; and,
• appropriate levels of responsibility.
Harsh discipline, lack of opportunities to attempt to use developing skills, lack of affection or attention, and family stress can interfere with the development of positive self-concept. (Black, 1996)
The natural drive in most children is to feel internally capable. In the toddler, this drive leads them to want to “do it myself,” and when he participates in self-care activities, his self-concept expands to include new abilities. In the teen, it is thinking that “I can handle it myself.” The more that the parent can support these impulses to develop and use new abilities, the stronger the self-concept becomes.
In preschool-age children, self-concept is measured by them in what they can do for themselves and the things that they have. Parents can support the preschooler’s need to do for themselves by providing opportunities for them to be successful in their attempts. This may be accomplished by engineering the child’s environment for success. A positive self-concept leads to self-esteem and self-confidence, which leads children to attempt further mastery of life’s challenges. (Black, 1996)
School-age children’s self-concept is built upon their self-evaluation and on the evaluations of others. Some children of this age are highly self-critical and are extremely susceptible to the criticism of others. This can lead to a reluctance to try new things. These children need a great deal of parental encouragement. Other children may overestimate their own abilities, and this can lead to risky behaviors. Adults can help the child become more realistic in his self-evaluation by providing honest feedback about areas of relative strength and weakness rather than over-praising everything that the child does. (“You are a fast runner, but others are fast as well.”)(“I know that you didn’t win the race, but you were very quick off of the block.”).
Parents can also help by accepting both positive and negative emotional feelings on the part of the child and by helping the child to find constructive physical and emotional outlets for those feelings. (“I know that you were not happy with your grade on your spelling test. Do you think that if I helped you to study your words for next week that you would earn a grade that you’d be happier with?”)(“I can see that you were very happy with the improvement in your time on the 50 meter backstroke. Congratulations! Your hard work really paid off.”)(Black, 1996)
Parents should keep in mind is that the goal is for the child to develop a stable and firmly-based, positive self-concept characterized by self-acceptance. Parents can help with this by providing encouragement and by recognizing and communicating to the child that he is a unique individual worthy of love. In addition, the parent can support the child’s growing sense of self by encouraging him in his pursuit of interests and capabilities and promoting a realistic view of his own abilities. Once he accepts himself for himself, he will be open to new experiences, will engage in fewer risky behaviors, and he will have no need to mask unpleasant thoughts or feelings. (Black, 1996)
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References
Black, J. and Puckett, M. (1996). The Young Child: Development from Prebirth Through Age Eight (2nd ed.). Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Merrill.
Levine, M. (2006). The Price of Privilege: How Parental Pressures and Material Advantage Are Creating a Generation of Disconnected and Unhappy Kids.. New York: Harper Collins.
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