How is the Emotional Health of Your Family?

Certain characteristics of healthy families have been identified in the parenting literature (Bigner, 1994, p. 74). How many of the characteristics listed below describe your family?

• Family members listen to one another. When someone has a problem, he or she is heard without being criticized and without having his or her problem solved for them.

• Everyone in the family feels free to express his or her opinion without that opinion being discounted, judged, or made fun of.

• Everyone in the family feels respected and valued.

• Everyone’s privacy is respected. For example, it’s okay to lock one’s bedroom door and not okay to open someone else’s mail. Family members do not listen in on private phone conversations or read each other’s diaries.

• Traditions and rituals are observed by the family. For example, pumpkins are carved at Halloween, the Tooth Fairy visits the children when a tooth is lost, and certain foods are eaten at holiday celebrations.

• Disagreements and arguments are not suppressed. Children are allowed to see parents disagree and then make up and resolve their differences. Parents and children learn to admit when they are wrong, to apologize, and to make amends.

• Everyone takes on some responsibility for running the household. Chores are seen as contributions to the overall well-being of the family.

• There are things that the family does as a group, such as going on vacations; attending sporting events, theater performances, and concerts; and, visiting other family members.

• Family members are able to laugh at themselves and each other in good fun. There is a feeling of companionship and “all for one and one for all.”

• The family has a strong set of values, including a clear sense of what is “right” and what is “wrong.”

• The family supports one another’s spiritual beliefs.

• There is a willingness to seek outside help in times of crisis.

• Service to others is valued.

• Time is set aside for family meals on a regular basis, and conversation is seen as an important part of these mealtimes. The use of digital devices at mealtimes is not allowed, as it interferes with conversation.

According to Bigner, if you were able to answer “yes” to fewer than 12 of the 14 characteristics, your family may need to take steps to improve its emotional health.

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Resources

Bigner, J. (1994). Parent-Child Relations: An Introduction to Parenting. New York: Macmillan College Publishing Company.