The Prudent Parent starts to model good manners from the time her child is a very young. If you consistently say “please” and “thank you” as well as “you’re welcome” and “excuse me” to your child, he is likely to follow your example. Make sure to reward courteous behavior with praise (“I like the way you said ‘please’ when you asked to go outside to play.”).
You may be surprised at how soon your child will begin to emulate you. My older daughter, Esther, was just beginning to speak when she started saying what sounded like “knock-kneed” quite frequently. We had no idea what it meant. Then, it morphed into “knock-you,” but we still didn’t catch on. One day, I handed her something that she indicated that she wanted, and she said it again. I finally figured out that she was saying, “thank-you.” And this was all before her first birthday.
Once your child is old enough to have friends over to play, teach him to be a good host by modeling appropriate hosting behaviors including the following: welcoming someone into your home; offering refreshments; considering the guest’s wishes and comfort; and thanking the guest for coming. Beginning in preschool, teach your child these courtesies and have him help to implement them. As part of “considering the guest’s wishes and comfort,” teach your child to solicit ideas from the guest as to what to play and to offer ideas of his own on play dates. If you help your child to behave appropriately whenever a friend comes over to play, by middle school, he will be a thoughtful host to friends and family members alike. (Garza, 2011)
In addition, insist that your child write thank-you notes after receiving a gift or going somewhere special with a friend’s family or a relative. For the child who is not yet able to write, you can have him draw a “thank-you picture,” and he can dictate words for you to write to accompany it. Once the child is able to write, he should write a hand-written note (or at least a “thank you” email). Starting this habit at an early age establishes it well before he moves out of the house, and he will thank you later for helping him to develop this very positive habit. (Garza, 2011) My husband recently interviewed a young man for a job, and after the interview, Eric received a handwritten note thanking him for giving the young man the opportunity to interview for the job. This made a huge impact on my husband and made the young man stand out from the other applicants. The young man got the job.
Table manners are also important. Learning to put his napkin in his lap as soon as he sits down at the table, to say “please” when asking for the salt and “thank you” after requesting that a family member “pass the potatoes,” and not to talk with his mouth full are all things that your preschooler can learn. By elementary school, your child should also be able to hold his utensils in a conventional manner rather than in his fist. Parents should both model these behaviors and teach them explicitly.
I have seen many adults in the business world whose table manners are atrocious. It puts people off when others don’t exhibit basic table manners. You will be doing your child a favor by helping him to develop these courtesies when he is young so that they will be automatic by the time he enters into the world at large.
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References
Garza, P. (2011). 30 Surefire Ways to Raise an Independent Child. Kosse, TX: Lost and Profound.
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